


rap god

by serise



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Multi, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 20,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25421053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serise/pseuds/serise
Summary: who could possibly be pestering you at one in the morning on a school night???you were trying to go to sleep, goddamnit.in other words, how you start to like a stranger who thinks he's good at rapping, and how he starts to like you back.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Reader, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 90
Kudos: 183





	1. log #1

turntechGodhead [TG] **began pestering** chumHandle [CH] at 13:02

TG: yo

TG: i finished up those rhymes

TG: those sick, spicy vehicles of rhythm and flow

TG: the bars are so sick and spicy, they're at the hospital with a fever, and the doc has no idea what to do, hes not a bar doctor, he's a pediatrician, and the bars are aged like fine wine

TG: theyve gotta call a fever doctor, because those rhymes are heating up the whole place, set that shit on fire

CH: um

CH: who.... who are you

TG: what

TG: wait

TG: shit

TG: youre not john

CH: no

CH: no im not

TG: damn

CH: uhhh

CH: how did you.... 

CH: how did you manage to message the wrong person....

CH: on pesterchum

TG: shit

TG: i started typing his old chumhandle instead of the new one

TG: and i guess i clicked on yours in the search menu

TG: my bad, g

CH: its ok!

CH: im not john but uhh i cant say im not intrigued by the idea of some rhymes so sick they are setting a hospital on fire

CH: are you a rapper?

TG: hell yeah

TG: i mean

TG: rap enthusiast

TG: rap maker

TG: rap producer

TG: music mixer

TG: you know how it is

CH: ummmmmmmmmmmm

CH: well, no, not really but sounds fun tho!

CH: can you share some rhymes 

CH: i think you owe me for the loud ass series of bings in my headphones i heard while falling asleep at one am 

TG: thats a fair deal

TG: ill whip up something fresh

TG: some rhymes so fresh, the other produce cant compare

TG: the supermarket overlords are terrified by the rhymes and how fresh they are, so damn crispy and cool 

CH: pull up with the bars, never been so cool

CH: mean on the beat, could even call them cruel

CH: everyone staring yeah they all drip drool

CH: keep it coming fill up my brand new pool

TG: what the fuck

CH: hehe

TG: way to steal my thunder 

TG: not cool man, not cool

CH: you took too long!

CH: a true artist is prepared for anything

TG: damn

TG: cant even argue with that

TG: ive been fuckin bested

TG: beaten at my own game

TG: time to fall down in shame

TG: man i feel so fuckin lame

TG: knees are brusing call that pain

CH: ehhh

CH: that was weak

TG: ...

turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased pestering** chumHandle [CH] at 13:21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will possibly write more hehe


	2. log #2

turntechGodhead [TG] **began pestering** chumHandle [CH] at 17:00

TG: hey

TG: dude

TG: man

TG: whatever the hell you are

TG: when you see this let me know what you think about these new lyrics

TG: im a monster on the beat call me frankenstein

TG: sleepwalk through these streets yall should get in line

TG: single file rile up the night is mine

TG: howl like a wolf, bare my teeth, canine

CH: not bad

CH: but shouldnt you just continue with the frankenstein motif, though, and then use another monster, such as a werewolf, for the second verse?

TG: damn

TG: i didnt think you were online

CH: my other friend just messaged me too lol

TG: cool cool

TG: was that all your criticism

CH: yeah!

CH: your rhymes are much improved

CH: although, its not like im an expert on this stuff hahaha idk why you asked me 

TG: you whipped out some fire ass raps last time we talked

TG: that shit was both unexpected and decent

TG: a combination you dont see often

TG: you even called my freestyles weak

CH: well, they were

TG: cold

TG: so damn cold, its practically snowing in here

TG: freeze the damn place until the thermometer breaks off

TG: archaeologists finding my room in one thousand years will have a perfectly preserved mummy corpse to study

TG: pull me out of the snow and stick me in a science chamber or some shit

CH: i thought anthropologists are the ones who deal with human remains?

TG: thats what you got out of that

TG: geez

TG: may as well call me a fuckin ice cube and chuck me in a chilly glass of apple juice

CH: who the fuck drinks apple juice

TG: what the fuck did you just say 

CH: you heard me

TG: please do the audience a favor and enlighten us on what you drink then

TG: oh beverage one

CH: water like a normal human

TG: that shits too plain

CH: ...its fucking water

TG: you probably like those stupid fancy drinks from starbucks too dont you

TG: fucking

TG: double caramel shot of hazelnut dragonfruit motherfucking lemonade pink tea frappucino

TG: people who like water always like that shit

CH: i will not be starbucks-order-shamed

TG: i knew it

chumHandle [CH] **ceased being pestered by** turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just an excuse for me to try to type like dave. how the fuck did hussie even create a character who talks like this


	3. log #3

chumHandle [CH] **began pestering** turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:09

CH: im gonna kill him i swear to god

CH: like i did what you said and all and i thought it was going well and then i saw them kissing

CH: i dont get this stupid troll romance shit, what the fuck is a kissimmeeship anyway god im so pissed off

TG: damn

TG: somehow i dont think this was meant for me

TG: but uh

TG: feels bad man

CH: ...

CH: rap guy

TG: so thats what were calling me

TG: ok i can get behind it

CH: sorry

CH: i meant to message my friend

CH: her chumhandle is also TG

TG: no worries

TG: you good?

CH: lol

CH: yeah

TG: troll romance is wack

TG: i get the struggle

CH: its confusing and upsetting honestly

CH: but i dont want to rant at you 

CH: i have a friend whos practically a therapist to make me feel better about this stuff

TG: wait, fr?

CH: yeah

TG: oh

TG: nice

TG: is that the other TG

CH: no, TG is someone else

CH: im now considering her unreliable since her plan failed

TG: her plan to get your troll friend to like you

CH: kind of

CH: its more complicated than that

CH: he already likes me

CH: or uhh

CH: feels "flushed" as he would say

CH: i think

CH: but he hate-likes someone else too and it bothers me

TG: damn

TG: that is complicated

CH: yeah

CH: anyway i dont want to bother you with my social life rap guy so ill bid you goodbye

CH: ttyl

chumHandle [CH] **ceased pestering** turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owO whats this... a plot?


	4. log #4

turntechGodhead [TG] **began pestering** chumHandle [CH] at 14:34

TG: yo

TG: uh

TG: i wrote a shitty rap

TG: maybe itll make you feel better 

TG: or some shit

TG: anyway here it is

TG: if im the rap guy maybe youre a rap god

TG: doesnt really matter if youre a bro or a broad

TG: on the beat together everyone will be awed

TG: chillin by your pool dude youre practically a fraud

TG: then obama comes in here

TG: or it could be snoop, either one is fine 

TG: your rhymes are hypnotic yeah theyre presidential

TG: the way you fix mine up yeah your service is essential

TG: post up to the white house that shit is residential

TG: bring your pool on over as a secret, confidential

TG: thats what i got so far

CH: hahahahahahahaha

CH: thanks for calling me a rap god, that does make me feel better

CH: although that was really good, not shitty at all!

TG: oh hey 

TG: thought you were offline again

CH: yeah but the loud ass bings are pretty hard to ignore

TG: fair enough

CH: does obama rap? i had no idea

TG: idk

TG: thats just my headcanon about him

CH: LMAO

CH: you headcanon that obama raps??

CH: lmfaoooo

TG: yeah its just a personal thing

TG: you know those pictures of the dude at his desk? prolly writing some sick bars and theyre just out of frame

TG: secret service will be like

TG: sir

TG: the president of mexico is here to talk

TG: but obamas entrenched

TG: fully entrenched in his fuckin rap game 

TG: the president of mexico will have to wait until obamas done going hard on the beat

CH: hahahaha

CH: what an interesting thing to picture

TG: glad you liked it

CH: thanks for messaging me rap guy

CH: the lmao wasnt fake

CH: i actually laughed

TG: what can i say

TG: cool kids never let other cool kids not be cool

CH: ......was i not being cool

TG: letting random ass troll dudes upset you is certified not cool dude

CH: ugh youre so right

CH: hes dumb anyway im pretending nothing ever happened

TG: so

TG: youre good then

CH: uh huh

TG: cool

TG: btw you called it a kissimmeship 

TG: but i feel like thats a city in florida

TG: aint the troll shit kissmessitude

CH: lol i think youre right

CH: tbh i dont have many troll friends so i just had to google it

TG: seems legit

CH: its weird regardless of the name!!

CH: wtf is hate love

CH: love is supposed to be happy and cute :(

CH: i hate to judge their culture because i know its not their fault, they are a different species after all and we should have open minds, but you know

TG: eh

TG: since you just got emotionally dunked on by one

TG: i think you get a pass to judge

CH: hey >:/

TG: hahahahaha

TG: sorry

CH: im hanging up on you!!!

CH: talk to me when you arent comparing my love life with basketball plays!!

TG: so thats an invitation to talk again

CH: ;)

chumHandle [CH] **ceased being pestered by** turntechGodhead [TG] at 14:52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe


	5. log #???

tentacleTherapist [TT] **began pestering** chumHandle [CH] at 10:33

TT: So.

TT: Did you work things out with Eridan as you said you would?

CH: if by worked out you mean ignoring and avoiding him at every possible opportunity then yes!

TT: Oh yes. That is most certainly what I meant.

TT: I'm guessing you took your other friend's advice over my own?

CH: yeah im sorry about that

CH: its just since shes actually met him irl and has hung with us i figured shed know but uhhh

CH: that did not go well

CH: for me

TT: I assumed as much. 

TT: I still think you should just talk things over with him. From what Kanaya has relayed about his kissmessitude with Vriska, it seems pretty weak. 

TT: She's even considered stepping in to auspiticize. 

CH: listen you know i vibe with kanaya

CH: but i have no clue what the fuck that even means.

CH: ughhghghghhg rose i wish you lived here

TT: Why don't you just move here? Kanaya is thinking about coming as well. 

TT: Once the year is over, of course.

CH: ehhh maybe

CH: i havent been back in yearsssssss 

TT: It's been four years.

TT: Somehow I feel an exaggeration of time in your words.

CH: ok well it feels like way longer than that lol

TT: Anyway, I also brought it up because a few of my friends have been curious about you and Kanaya. 

TT: And they have met Kanaya before, when she visited last Christmas. 

TT: But you're a total mystery, my old friend from girls' school. 

TT: It's exciting!

CH: bruhhh dont remind me of that place 

CH: all girls school holy fuck cant believe my parents ever made me go there

TT: Considering that is where we met, I'll ignore the hostility of your statement and say that I agree with the sentiments.

CH: look how about i visit on spring break or something

CH: that's coming up soon and i had no plans

TT: That sounds wonderful.

CH: .... was that sarcastic or not i cant tell

TT: Not at all. I'd be happy to see you.

CH: aaaaand you want me to bring your girlfriend too

TT: ...I wasn't going to bring it up first.

CH: hahaha ill let her know im planning a trip im sure shell want to come

TT: Thanks, I appreciate it.

TT: Talk to Eridan before you leave?

TT: For me?

TT: Please?

CH: NOT GONNA HAPPEN ROSE

CH: ttyl<3

chumHandle [CH] **ceased being pestered by** tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you fuckin guessed it lads. rose is the therapist friend. oh yeah


	6. rap god #1

"Look, I don't understand why you didn't just _tell_ me you were uncomfortable with my kissmessitude with Vriska!" 

You groan, wishing he wouldn't try to follow you home just because you started arguing as you were leaving class. "Eridan, I literally did tell you. You even said, 'oh alright'. But I guess you weren't actually listening to me!"

"I don't remember that conversation," he says snottily, catching up easily as he's pretty tall. Eridan cuts you off, stopping you in the middle of the sidewalk, his brows upturned. "Listen, Y/N, Vris and I aren't even as much of a thing as you and me! You know I'd pick having a matesprit over a kismesis anyday!"

"Well if that's the case, you're about to have neither," you mutter, pushing past him. "I don't want to deal with this anymore."  
"What?!" Eridan exclaims, still following you. He brushes through his hair in agitation with one hand. "You can't be serious."  
"Yes I can," you respond pettily, choosing not to look at him and instead continue ahead to the bus stop.

"We see each other all the time, you know, are you really going to keep ignoring me and making it hard for everyone?" Eridan questions. 

Ugh. Here he goes with the desperate manipulation tactics. How in god's name were you putting up with this before? Love really does make you blind, you guess...

Not that you love Eridan. Holy shit. It was a crush because you sometimes slip up and let your standards fall when someone is especially nice to you, and it got stronger because like he said, you actually do see him all the time.

"Yup," you answer him, coming to a stop at the bus stop. Thank god you can already see the bus approaching from here. 

"Y/N, don't do this please," Eridan whines, turning to face you as you face front. "Can we at least still be friends? Don't ignore me completely."  
You sigh as the bus comes to a stop in front of you and people start filing in. You look to Eridan. "Yeah, fine, whatever, just don't hit on me and we're cool."

He brightens immediately. "Whatever you say."  
"Bye, Eridan," you wave over your shoulder as you board the bus, finding a seat and slumping into it tiredly. 

Fucking Rose. You didn't even intend to follow her request, but the stuff she tells you to do always ends up happening anyways. No wonder you agreed to go back to your hometown so quickly when she brought it up.

You unlock your phone and raise your brows when you see you have a few pesterchum notifications, opening the app to see who's messaged you.

You smile as you see Kanaya has responded to your earlier message.

GA: That Sounds Like A Wonderful Idea

GA: Shall I Begin Planning

GA: Unless You Have Already Done So, In Which Case I Will Yield The Details To You Considering You Are More Familiar With The Area Of Course

You quickly type out a response.

CH: i havent yet!! i mean if you want to you can but i was thinkin id just stay at my parents house and you can go to roses place

CH: dont know if you recall from your last visit but her house is huuuuuge

CH: but if you mean work out flights and stuff ill leave it to you

CH: queen of being organized ;)

Kanaya answers right away as she tends to, with her excellent punctuality and respect for others' time.

GA: In Terms Of The Locations At Which We Will Reside and Sleep In Whilst We Are There, I Agree With Your Loosely Crafted Plans

GA: Thank You For The Compliment

GA: I Will Work Out Such 'Stuff' And Get Back To You

GA: In Person

GA: Probably By Tonight

GA: Seeing As Flights Increase In Price The Closer They Are To The Date of Departure If I Am Not Mistaken

CH: no not mistaken at all thats exactly right

CH: sounds good you can waltz straight on in my roommate always leaves the door unlocked, ill probs be watching tv or smth

GA: I'm Aware Of That Although I Still Think It Is Highly Unsafe And Not Smart

GA: I'll See You Then

CH: yup!!

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] **ceased being pestered by** chumHandle [CH] at 13:32

You then open the other message.

turntechGodhead [TG] **began pestering** chumHandle [CH] at 11:08

TG: hey

TG: idk when youll see this but

TG: an idea popped into my head earlier

TG: and it was a little bit disturbing not gonna lie

TG: so i gotta establish this before we talk more

TG: youre not like 13 or some shit right

CH: LMAO

CH: (also sorry i was in class)

CH: no

CH: im not 13

CH: are you

TG doesn't respond right away, so you put your phone down for a second. Damn, they were pretty smart to think of that, though. What if you had been accidentally messaged and then serenaded through rap by a 13 year old? That would have been pretty weird.

Also, you have no idea what their name is or what gender they identify as and the only interest you know they have is rapping. Although, you do think you have a feel for their personality, if only through the Obama headcanon.

TG: no dude im not fuckin 13

TG: im 21

CH: yoooo me too

TG: fr

TG: that shit seems too coincidental

CH: im not 13 dumbass could a 13 year old do this??

CH: *does kickflip*

TG: holy shit

TG: that was so embarrassing i cant even find a way to make it ironic

TG: goddamn

CH: yeah lol that was pretty cringe

CH: anyway a real 21 year old would know their chinese zodiac year so cough it up buddy

TG: how the fuck should i know 

TG: fuckin duck or something

CH: thats not even one of them...

CH: brb calling the fbi seems that im talking to a 13 year old rn

TG: that doesnt even make sense

TG: are you calling the fbi on yourself

CH: LOL no of course not........

CH: whatever lets change the subject and agree were both not 13

CH: is your mind at ease now

TG: no youre still sus 

CH: omfg

CH: fuck off

TG: hahahahahahaha

TG: nah i feel like youre probably not lying

CH: lmaoooo. thanks i guess

CH: anyway gtg, at my stop

CH: arriving at my apartment that i pay for because im an adult

CH: and not a barely teenage child

TG: sure sure

TG: see ya

CH: byeeeee

chumHandle [CH] **ceased being pestered by** turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:44

How... how did you even have that conversation.

You get off the bus and head into your apartment building, shaking your head. Next time, you ought to get rap guy's name... maybe you can internet stalk them based off the few clues you have. 

As for now, you gotta make some lunch and get the place cleaned up before Kanaya comes over tonight. Or else, she'll make you do it at record troll-speeds and have your feet aching for days. Ahhh, freshman year dormmate friendships and how they develop.

_Ding!_

You frown, checking pesterchum as you get in the elevator.

caligulasAquarium [CA] **began trolling** chumHandle [CH] at 13:50

CA: hey

CA: are you sure you dont wwant to kiss and stuff

CA: i think it could be vvery fun

Sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do you title chapters in fics like this. help  
> also ya first time we getting not pesterlog only chaps woohooo buddy
> 
> also x2, i just discovered that theres a homestuck skin so im slowly updating the chapters with the correct html, i made the readers text grey so its not too personal lol. pretty cool tho, right? i like it!


	7. rap guy #1

"Who ya texting, Dave?" 

Dave jerks away from his best pal, turning off his phone in a flash and pressing it against his chest to protect it. "Nobody."

John grins, a playful glint in his eyes. "Well it had to be someone! I saw how fast and furious those thumbs were typing."  
"You're mistaken, bro," Dave says, returning to his air of nonchalance. "Ain't nobody special enough to make these thumbs dance."  
"Okay, suuuure," John laughs through his words. 

As his friend goes back to watching the shitty movie that Dave is only pretending to watch for irony's sake, Dave opens his phone again to see the tail end of his conversation, where CH is saying goodbye. He says bye as well and they close the log. 

Dave hums as he sets his phone in his lap, eyes unfocusing from the movie as he thinks about the stranger from pesterchum. Supposedly they're the same age as him, but he still doesn't know much else about them. They have a female friend and the troll they were into was a guy, so maybe a girl, but then again, those facts don't really mean shit and they could just as well be a guy. Whatever. Either way, Dave's been having fun talking with them. 

_Ding!_

Dave looks down at his phone again.

"Turn your ringer off, dude," John mutters with a sideye. "Not cool."  
"Sorry, man," Dave whispers and does as he asked before unlocking the device and opening pesterchum again.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:48

TT: Hey.

TG: whats up

TT: Did you decide if you're coming home for spring break or not yet? Mom's asking, I'm just the messenger.

TG: oh

TG: uh

TG: hold on one sec

Dave elbows John, who shushes him.

"Dude, question, pause the movie," Dave says.  
John groans but complies, pausing the film and turning to face his friend. "What is it?"  
"Did Karkat finish planning the thing for spring break?"  
"No, he said he's not going anymore because Gamzee didn't keep his therapy promise."

"Shit," Dave mumbles, throwing his head back with a groan. "Now I have no excuse not to visit."  
"Rose again?" John asks, sounding amused.  
"It's our mom," Dave says, sighing. "She doesn't want me to stay with Bro anymore if I come back so I'll have to stay at the house."  
"Yeah, I don't blame her, your cousin's fucking weird dude." John deadpans.   
Dave shrugs. "Yeah, I know. But Rose and Mom are overbearing and the house is full of creepy wizard shit."  
"I'd take wizard shit over the puppets."

Dave hums, thinking it over. He's not totally wrong. But the puppets are for irony. At least, that's what Bro always says.

_Ding!_

TT: It's almost like a sec, is supposed to be one second, and not multiple minutes of making your loving sibling wait for what will likely be a shitty response anyway.

TG: sorry

TG: had to check on something

TG: yeah ill come

TT: Woah there, don't sound too enthusiastic, it's unflattering.

TT: Do you need help booking a flight?

TG: nah ill drive

TG: roadtrips are good for the soul

TG: or some shit

TG: saw that in a allergy meds ad once

TT: ...Right.

TT: Well, I'll let Mom know. Don't change your mind after this, she'll be upset if you say you'll come and don't actually do it.

TG: ill come 

TG: dont get up in the biz about it

"Is that Rose?" John cranes his neck to spy on Dave's screen yet again, but this time the blonde just sighs and lets him do it.  
"Yeah."  
"Woah, you're gonna go home for spring break?" the boy asks. "Can I come?"  
"You don't wanna just go on the trip anyway?" Dave asks in return, raising a brow.  
John shakes his head. "It's not fun if Karkat won't come. And Jade's going hunting in Canada or something, so there's nothing for me to do really."

Dave nods, mulling it over. Maybe spring break with the fam wouldn't be so bad if John tagged along. He could show him around the old hometown, his shitty high school, the shitty mall where he used to ironically shop, Bro's apartment... okay, maybe not that. But the point still stands.

"Lemme ask Rose," Dave says, and John grins brightly.  
"Oh man, imagine the three of us over spring break! If only Jade could come too..."

TG: yo

TG: john wants in

TG: ask mom if he can come

TT: Why don't YOU ask Mom if he can come? 

TG: uhhh because youre actually in person with her

TG: id have to text her

TG: and she sucks at spelling over text

TG: that shit may as well be a panel of hieroglyphs from ancient egypt

TG: fuckin tutankhamun keyboard

TT: Fine.

TT: She says he can.

TT: The house is going to be pretty full, though. More than usual, at least. Exponentially more, in comparison to the last few years.

TG: what why

TG: dont tell me

TT: Kanaya is coming too!

TT: She's flying over with my friend from high school. The one who was her roommate freshman year.

TG: oh great

TG: dont tell me your weird lesbian school friend is gonna be there too

TT: Not everyone who goes to a girls' school is lesbian. And no. That friend is staying elsewhere.

TG: well youre my best example and look how that turned out

TG: anyway whatever i guess 5 is acceptable

TG: i can finally meet your gf

TT: She probably won't like you too much, but she's great. 

TT: Actually, maybe she will. It's hard to tell. You make a different first impression on everyone you meet.

TG: a cool guy never reveals the same face to every person they encounter

TT: That sounded... startlingly philosophical, coming from you.

TT: I'm impressed.

TG: stay impressed, rose

TG: this shit is ingrained in me

TT: Alright. Get over yourself and plan out your drive, cool guy. Mom wants you here by Sunday the week of spring break.

TG: kk

TG: see you 

TG: johns making me watch this shitty movie and he says the texting is distracting him

TT: Sounds good. Bye John. 

TT: And you, I guess.

TG: wow

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 14:01


	8. log #6

chumHandle [CH] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:07

CH: hey

CH: if youre supposedly 21...

CH: then are you in college

TG: trying to stalk me i see

TG: not gonna work unfortunately i have everything on my computer double secured 

TG: youd have a better chance of breaking into the svalbard global seed vault

CH: the.. what ?

TG: youre telling me youre not well versed in the subject of international seed storage

CH: ...

TG: anyway

TG: yeah i am 

CH: thanks for getting back to the point and not ranting about seeds

CH: what do you study

TG: music production 

TG: and robotics

CH: lmfao WHAT

CH: way to sound suspicious, who tf has time for both of those things, let alone the skill

TG: only someone as cool and talented as me of course

TG: i imagine youre gonna tell me you study some bullshit like economics 

CH: no what the fuck

CH: and get lectured by tryhard wannabe ben shapiros all day? do you think i enjoy suffering?

TG: fair

TG: what is it then

CH: polisci

TG: didnt you just fucking say you dont want to get lectured by wannabe ben shapiros

TG: in what way is political science an escape from that

CH: ...youre not wrong

CH: im just assuming its worse when you combine social science with money problems

CH: anyway you have no right to judge with what you told me >:|

TG: listen they were both cultivated interests from a young age

TG: did you just message me to bully me about my majors or was there something else you had to ask

TG: i only have internet at brief intervals 

TG: road trip shit

TG: out here in the fuckin wild west

TG: well its not really the west 

TG: but it might as well be with all the dust and shit giving my car a fresh dirt brown paint job 

TG: tumbleweeds dont have shit on me and my ride

TG: are you gone now

TG: thanks for the heads up

CH: sorrryyyyy i got on a flight and phones dont work up there in the big blue

TG: there was a solid 5 hours between that message and yours

CH: and you just took like 5 more to answer me so i guess were even muahaha

TG: bro the big blue is the ocean not the sky

TG: theres a movie

TG: how do you not know this

CH: mean

CH: very mean

TG: please never get a job in the government

TG: i dont feel safe with my taxes going towards your paycheck

CH: oh rap guy, i will take all your taxes

CH: all of them

TG: what 

CH: what?

TG: sorry that phrase was just weird

CH: really?

CH: lol its just something this girl i know says a lot

CH: honestly shes kind of a bitch dont like her too much kinda funny tho sometimes

TG: right

CH: n e ways i gotta go 

CH: just got to my destination and its sleepy time 

CH: goodnightttttttttt rap guy

TG: oh that reminds me

chumHandle [CH] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 20:22

TG: dammit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe


	9. rap god #2

"Don't you think she should be here by now?"

You glance over at the tall, graceful, fashionable troll at your side and smile, gently pushing her with your elbow. "Lighten up, Kanaya. No need to worry. She was probably stuck in traffic."  
Your friend sighs, blowing a strand of hair out of her face and nodding. 

The two of you have been waiting outside your terminal for a while longer than you expected by now for Rose to pick you up from the airport. Waiting around doesn't really bother you, after all your parents won't be back from their business trip until tomorrow anyway so the house will be empty when you get there. But for Kanaya, who is a very punctual and precise person, tardiness stresses her out. Especially since the tardy lady in question is her girlfriend, who she hasn't seen in person for months now.

"I wonder if her brother arrived," Kanaya muses aloud. "That could have caused some issues with prompt departure from her hive."

Your head whips around. "Brother?!"  
Kanaya raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. "Yes. Rose has a brother, I thought you must have been aware of that?"  
You rub your arm. "Well, yeah, but like... I've never met him. Did she say he's coming home or something?"  
"Yes, he and his friend are apparently staying at her hive along with myself for the duration of spring break," she sighs. "It isn't ideal, but I can only hope for the best."

You hum, wondering about that. You have always known about Rose's brother, but you don't actually know him. You've never been in any part of Rose's house aside from the entrance hall and her room (because she was embarrassed by her mom's decor) so you've never even seen a picture of him. Supposedly, the two of them weren't close at all as kids. Aside from that, Rose went to a private school with you, while her brother went to the public high school in town. And then, when you were like fourteen, Rose told you that he moved in with their "weird as fuck" cousin to get out of the house. So you've definitely never had a run in with her brother.

The only thing you really know about him is that his name is Dave, because obviously Rose has called him by name around you. But excluding that, Dave Lalonde is a total mystery to you. You wonder if you'll finally get to meet him.

"Is that her car?" Kanaya's voice lifts you from your thoughts. You glance around and indeed spot Rose's car, one of those fancy electric ones. She's into green energy and stuff like that.

You start waving frantically, stepping forward onto the curb so your friend will see you. Honestly, she'll probably see Kanaya first, considering she's a troll with horns and grey skin and wearing a standout red dress, but y'know. Might as well.

Rose pulls up in front of you and Kanaya, waving through the window before popping the trunk and stepping out.

"Kanaya!" she exclaims, and the two of them embrace tightly.

_Awww,_ you think to yourself, and then think, _wait, what the fuck. We were friends first Rose!_ And then think, _yeah, but they're dating so it's fine._

After they're done hugging, Rose greets you with a more platonic embrace and a bright smile, for her standards at least.

"I'm so happy to see you both! Y/N, it's been forever." she says as Kanaya lifts your luggage into the trunk. Troll strength. It works wonders.  
"I know, right?" you ruffle Rose's blonde bob. She's had that haircut for the entire time you've known her. "Kanaya was wondering what the hold up was."

Said troll blushes furiously as you all get into the car, you taking the backseat. "I- I was not! Not necessarily!"

Rose laughs, navigating out of the airport. "Sorry, I know I'm a little late. Dave literally got to the house with his friend right before I was meant to leave, and then they wanted my help taking their stuff in... it got lengthy."  
"No biggie," you hum, taking off your shoes so you can lay down sideways and put your feet up on the seats. "Me and Kanaya were just hangin'. I enjoyed a few lectures over my 'questionable romantic escapades'."  
"There's no need to use air quotations when it is just factual," Kanaya says pointedly. "Your involvement with Eridan Ampora was questionable _at best_."  
"Ouch," says Rose.  
You shrug. "Kinda true. My feelings were only severely hurt for like 3 days though."

The three of you talk casually for the rest of the night, driving from the airport back to the area where you used to live. You go get an early dinner at this old diner you and Rose used to go to, and Rose tells you she already set up some appointments to look at apartments in case you decide to move back after you graduate, and you groan, and Kanaya laughs. Then the three of you chill at a park because you're not tired yet, where Kanaya describes the state of your current place and how she doesn't know how you live like that, and you groan, and Rose laughs that time. It must be bully the third wheel day or something.

Rose pulls up to your house at around nine thirty at night, both her and Kanaya stepping out to help you with your luggage and say goodbye.

"Tomorrow at eight?" Rose asks, with a knowing smirk.  
"Wake me up that early and I'll have a tombstone made by nine," you say with a smile, patting her cheek.  
"Alright, alright, eleven it is," she laughs. "See you. Sleep well."  
"Thanks, you too," you say, waving. "Bye Kanaya!"  
"See you tomorrow," the troll girl says as her and Rose head back to the car, and you head inside.

You slump on the couch in your living room after letting yourself in with the key hidden under the doormat, leaving the luggage by the front door. Who the fuck unpacks luggage as soon as they get to their destination anyway? 

You're hungry again, so you only lay down and soak in the scent and vibe of being in your parents' house for a few minutes before getting up and going to the kitchen. Ahh, just like high school. Scoping out the cupboards at nighttime like a little nervous gremlin, hoping your parents won't catch you.

Except, they can't really catch you now. Because. Y'know. They're not home.

But the point still stands.

You decide to go for a nutella sandwich and a tall glass of water, sitting down at the breakfast bar to munch down. 

_Ding!_

You take your phone out of your pocket, and then groan.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling chumHandle [CH] at 21:51

AG: Hiiiiiiii.

CH: what

AG: What, you aren't happy to hear from me? I'm hurt!

AG: Personally, I was looking forward to talking again! Aren't we friends????????

CH: depends how loosely were defining the term friends

CH: no offense

CH: but you kinda got on my bad side when you hooked up with eridan while i was sorta into him

CH: little annoying

CH: since you said you wouldnt

AG: I know, I know. 

AG: I shouldn't have gone for it, 8ut I felt 8ad for him! You understand, right????????

AG: I wouldn't want this to ruin our friendship! We've 8een close for so long ::::(

CH: i met you last year dude

AG: A year is a long time, Y/N! Plenty of things can happen in a year! Or in even less time! 

AG: I thought you would have got that 8y now. 

CH: shrug

AG: W8, you don't still feel red for Eridan, right?

CH: no of course not no way

AG: Of course not!

AG: Aaaaaaaanyw8y, I was coming to ask if you're 8usy this week!

AG: I'm planning another amaaaaaaaazing party, and I want you to come! 

AG: You can invite Kanaya, too. She 8locked me on here for some reason, so I can't contact her. 

AG: And don't worry. That loser Eridan won't be there, I promise. 

AG: What a guy, am I right? Hitting on me while flirting with you... how greasy!

CH: soooooooo greasy 

AG: ::::D

CH: anyway sorry i cant im out of town, i went to my parents for spring break

CH: i'll be back next sunday

AG: What????????!!!!!!!!

AG: You're telling me you're spending spring br8k at your adult guardians' hive?

AG: You've gotta 8e kidding!

CH: nope, sorryyy

CH: rose asked me to come, kanayas here too

AG: Pshhhh. What a floozy.

CH: hey! mean

AG: Sorry. I guess.

AG: Alright, then. Sorry you'll 8e having the 8oringest time without me! 

AG: M8ke sure you come to my next one, then ;;;;)

CH: ok sure

CH: ttyl, im really tired 

AG: See you l8er then!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling chumHandle [CH] at 22:00

You sigh. Talking to Vriska is always such a struggle. You were friends at one point, but even though you convinced her to go to therapy, she still slips into being toxic as shit. And doesn't understand how to really say sorry for something she consciously does. But it's fine. You tolerate her.

Oh shit, you should see if rap guy ever responded to your message from when you first landed.

TG: there was a solid 5 hours between that message and yours

Wow, they just replied like ten minutes ago. Hmph.

CH: and you just took like 5 more to answer me so i guess were even muahaha

TG: bro the big blue is the ocean not the sky

TG: theres a movie

TG: how do you not know this

CH: mean

CH: very mean

TG: please never get a job in the government

TG: i dont feel safe with my taxes going towards your paycheck

CH: oh rap guy, i will take all your taxes

CH: all of them

TG: what 

CH: what?

TG: sorry that phrase was just weird

CH: really?

CH: lol its just something this girl i know says a lot

CH: honestly shes kind of a bitch dont like her too much kinda funny tho sometimes

TG: right

CH: n e ways i gotta go 

CH: just got to my destination and its sleepy time 

CH: goodnightttttttttt rap guy

TG: oh that reminds me

chumHandle [CH] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 20:22

Oh shit, rap guy was about to say something! Maybe tell you their name finally? Or something? Well, now you can't check their side of the long anymore since you stopped pestering them. 

Anyway, was something weird about how they reacted to you repeating a Vriska phrase? You kinda did it instinctually since you just talked to her.  
Nah, that'd be crazy. Tons of people probably say that shit. 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait!!!  
> or should i say... w8? hehe


	10. rap guy #2

"Wakey wakey, sleepyhead!"

Dave groans, throwing his arm over his eyes as he squeezes them shut to avoid the bright light that is now pouring into his room.

"Fuck off, Rose," he mutters, dragging his covers over his head.

Rose just yanks them right back. "In this house, we get up at a reasonable time. I guess you've forgotten after all of your time away."  
"This is why I moved in with Bro," Dave groans, knowing his resistance is futile and giving up, opening his eyes and squinting at his sister. "To not deal with this extreme bullshit."  
"I don't know why you still insist on calling him that," Rose puts her hands on her hips, already dressed with her makeup done and everything. "Dirk is our cousin, he's not your brother. Rather, you have an amazing sister, right here! Doing everything she can to benefit you."

Dave doesn't even bother rolling his eyes, just leaning over to the nightstand and grabbing his shades to put them on. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and ruffles his hair. "Did you wake up John, too?"

Rose lets out a dramatically offended sound. "Wake up a guest? Of course not. That would inconsiderably rude. But I think he woke up himself, I heard him calling his dad."

Dave chuckles mentally. What a soft, lame dude John is. Of course, he's Dave's soft lame dude best friend, so it's cool. But still very soft and lame. 

"Alright," Dave gets up, locating some clothes on the clothes chair. You know, the one where you chuck shit and wait until it piles up and starts giving you serious anxiety until you finally decide to do the laundry chair? "What's for breakfast?"

"For starters, actual food, and not swords." Rose says with a smile. Dave knows she's talking shit on Bro and his habit of leaving not-food in the fridge. Yeah, that was pretty inconvenient at times.   
"Long as Mom bought some juice," Dave says, stretching as he begins taking off his shirt. "Gotta have my juice."  
"She got your juice," Rose says, crossing her arms and turning around. "See you downstairs."

Dave finishes getting dressed, then goes and freshens up in the bathroom, and then checks his phone, already feeling weird vibes from not starting the day by waking up at noon and then spending an hour on his phone immediately. This whole get up and get ready thing just isn't it for him. Maybe when he's an old ass man with more responsibilities or something.

He opens pesterchum, and raises his brows when he sees a recent message.

chumHandle [CH] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:48

CH: hey!

CH: sorry i logged off so quick last night

CH: i was suuuuuuuuper tired

CH: what did you have to say? you said "oh that reminds me" or something like that

CH: im pretty curious now, ngl

TG: hey

TG: dammit i cant remember now

TG: probably wasnt that important

TG: dont worry about it

CH: really?

TG: yeah

TG: ill let you know if i remember

CH: oh ok

CH: ummmmm well talk to you later then!

CH: i have kind of a busy day

TG: oh really

TG: how busy

CH: so busy, rap guy

CH: you wouldnt even know how to handle it

TG: making assumptions about me now are we

TG: youre sorely mistaken dude

TG: im the coolest guy that ever lived

TG: aint no fuckin way i couldnt handle a busy day

TG: live that shit every day of my epic life

CH: that was so cringe...

TG: whatever

TG: enjoy your busy day

CH: thanks!! hehe

CH: enjoy your lame, not cool, not epic one!

CH: ;)

chumHandle [CH] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:53

Dave eats the pancakes Mom made alongside John, Rose, and Rose's tall troll girlfriend Kanaya in quiet, wondering why it was that he suddenly got so freaked about asking the mysterious chump's name. He was about to last night, but now that they messaged wondering what he was going to say, it seems way too personal and out of the blue. After all, they're just two strangers who talk on pesterchum.

But that person does feel like a little less than a stranger. Maybe even, in some bizarre fucked up way, kind of like a friend. A secret genderless faceless voiceless sarcastic political science major friend.  
Is the chump a robot?

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Rose asks, bringing Dave out of his trance. She smirks, resting her chin on her palm. "You don't usually focus so hard."  
"What? Rose, Dave totally focuses hard when he does his robotics stuff, which makes no sense to me!" John cuts in, defending Dave.  
Dave claps a hand on John's shoulder. "Thanks, buddy."  
"You do seem particularly thoughtful," Kanaya, Rose's girlfriend, comments, seeming to have no convictions about expressing her opinion on Dave, who she has literally never met until yesterday night. 

Dave eyes the two girls sitting opposite to him. "I'm always thoughtful. It takes a thoughtful motherfucker to get to this level of chill. I'm so chill, Snoop wouldn't even know how to act around me. So goddamn chill, the freezer's jealous."

Shit. Both of those sentences are reminding him of the stranger. 

"Wait a minute, Dave! This is totally weird behavior! You usually rant for way longer than that!" John exclaims. He leans forward, like he's telling a secret. "I think he has a crush on someone. He's been secretly texting, too."

"What?" Rose looks genuinely shocked, blinking with wide eyes. "Really?"  
"No, fuck," Distressed, Dave runs a hand through his hair. "So far off. Not even fucking close, okay?"  
"It appears you may have struck a human nerve," Kanaya interjects.  
Dave waves a hand. "No. Not a single nerve struck."  
Rose laughs, or more like cackles. "This is great. Dave has a crush! It's been years since that happened."  
"Yeah, remember when him and Terezi were a thing?" John chuckles in his prankster, slightly maniacal way. "That was so weird."  
"See, I thought we said we weren't gonna bring that shit up anymore," Dave says, trying not to show how uncomfortable this is making him.  
"You said not to bring it up around Karkat, specifically."

"Terezi Pyrope, by chance?" Kanaya cuts in. Dave might just have to kneel down and kiss her goddamn hands like she's Mother Teresa out of appreciation for somewhat changing the subject.   
"Yeah, you know Terezi?" John asks quizically. "Dave and I met her freshman year of college."  
Kanaya nods. "She's an... ex-friend, of an ex-friend."  
Dave raises a brow. "You mean that bitchy spider girl?"  
"You know Vriska?" Rose asks, her eyes wide.

"Oh, John definitely does," Dave says, exacting his revenge. The boy cringes.  
"Listen, she's not as bad as people think she is–"

"Wow, this is amazing," Rose interrupts, laughing to herself as she pulls her phone out of her pocket. "I have to tell my friend about this. She'll think all of this is hilarious."  
"Why don't we simply tell her in person?" Kanaya asks, leaning over to spy on Rose's screen. "We are meant to be picking her up quite soon."  
"Oh, yeah, I lost track of time," Rose hums, putting her phone away. She stands and puts her and Kanaya's plates in the sink. "Dishes are on you, Strider! We've gotta go."

"What the fuck?" Dave says, but his sister and her girlfriend have somehow already disappeared from the kitchen, and probably the entire property too while they're at it. 

John throws his head back and laughs, sliding his empty plate over to Dave. "Dishes on you, Strider!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait in this update 😅i hope by some slim chance that it was worth it lmao


	11. rap god #3

You touchup your hair in the big ass mirror your parents have in the hallway as you wait for Rose and Kanaya to drop by and pick you up. This mirror was purchased at least ten years ago, and yet, your parents never bothered to actually set it up. Instead, it is sitting pitifully on the ground, leaning against the wall, in all its delicate gold encrusted framed glory.

The parents you speak of are coming home from their weekend trip today, but your mom hasn't responded to you about what time exactly they'll be back. So unfortunately for them, you won't be here to cook an extravagant welcome home meal. Not that you were planning to. It's not like they bothered to do it for you!

You hear a blaring car horn from outside, a telltale sign of Rose's arrival at your house, and resolve yourself to no more parents judgement for the day, grabbing your keys and bag and walking outside. You lock the door behind you and walk down the driveway to the car, Kanaya in the passenger once again. Both girls wave at you, and Rose unlocks the door to let you in. 

"When the hell am I gonna get to ride passenger?" you grumble, slumping into the backseat.  
"When you are prompt enough to enter this vehicle before I do," Kanaya answers with sass.  
"That's not even possible," you shoot her a pointed look, and she just smiles back politely. 

"Anyway, Y/N," Rose cuts in, sounding excited, which is kind of unusual. "You're not going to believe what I found out this morning."  
You raise a brow. "What?"  
Rose glances over her shoulder at you with a grin. "My brother's ex-girlfriend is apparently ex-friends with your friend Vriska, who also seems to have had a thing of some sort with my friend John!"

You blink, squinting, probably looking a lot like the meme of the lady with math equations floating around her head.

"...What?" you ask.

"Rose is trying to explain that between her brother's relationships, hers, and yours and mine, there is some surprising overlap." Kanaya clarifies.   
"Oh," you nod. "Cool."  
"You don't you find it funny?" Rose asks, sounding a little bummed. "I thought it was interesting at the very least."

"But Rose, I don't even know your brother, or his ex-girlfriend, and I've only met John like once. And that was probably like six or seven years ago." you give her a puppy dog look through the rearview mirror so that she doesn't get upset with your reasoning. Not that Rose ever really gets upset. Like, upset upset.

"Oh, right, you've never met Dave," she says. "Kanaya has met him now! What did you think of him, by the way?"

Kanaya hums. "He was quite different from you. He also seemed easily flustered, based on the conversation from this morning."  
"Ooo, what kind of conversation?" you lean forward. You can't help yourself. Even if you say you hate it, you kind of love drama. Unless of course, it involves you.

"Well, John thinks my brother has a crush on someone, which is how we ended up finding out all the inter-friend group connections between us," Rose explains. "He isn't usually easily flustered, as Kanaya described, so I'm inclined to believe that John is correct in his assumption."

You smirk. "Listen Rose, if I meet your brother, I'll tell you within five minutes if he has a crush on someone or not. I'm the vibe checking master."

She chuckles. "I'll take your word for it, then. The next few days are pretty busy with all the things I have planned for the three of us, but how about you come over on Thursday and coincidentally meet him?"  
You frown. "Thursday won't work. That's my parents day. They want to hang out from sunrise to moonrise or something wack like that."  
"Friday, then," Rose says.   
You shoot her a finger gun. "Sounds good."

"I believe we've arrived," Kanaya points out, looking out the window. 

You follow her gaze and groan when you see the line of apartment buildings. They're everywhere. This street is full of them.

"Great, we can start looking right away!" Rose claps, and heads to the first parking lot. "This will be lots of fun. Y/N, did you bring your notebook?"  
"Notebook?" you look at her quizzically as she pulls into a spot. "I thought we were looking at apartments for you and Kanaya?"  
" _And_ for you!" Rose says, like it was obvious. "I thought we talked about this."  
You groan. "I don't remember."  
"Whatever, Miss Complainy-pants," Rose reaches behind her and flicks you on the forehead. "Come on."

She gets out of the car swiftly, and you and Kanaya follow. As the tall troll girl and you walk around to meet Rose on the other side, she pats your head.

"Have faith, Y/N," Kanaya tells you. "Rose is a master of sarcasm. If she said it will be fun, she was probably intentionally misleading you."

You blink.

"Kanaya, that's not a good thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short (＠_＠;) im trying to keep the pacing consistent


	12. log #???

chumHandle [CH] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] at 23:07

CH: hey, vriska

CH: i have a question for you

AG: Y/N!

AG: How nice of you to message me first for once! I have to say, I'm even a little flattered.

AG: What's the question? I'm so intrigued!

CH: well uh

CH: have you ever had a thing with a guy named john??

CH: i dont remember you ever telling me about a guy named john when we talked about our past relationships

CH: you just ranted about the guy you kept calling a pansy

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!

AG: Well, Tavros was totally a pansy. Once a pansy, forever a pansy, don't you think?

CH: idk, i guess??? idk him

AG: Just trust me on that one.

AG: Anyway, yes, I did have what you humans call a 'thing' with a human 8oy named John. Although this was a while ago, well 8efore we met.

AG: Needless to say, it didn't necessarily work out. 8ut we're on good terms to this day. 

CH: oh thats a shame

CH: i mean yeah i guess i figured tho since you didnt mention him :/

AG: Mind explaining why it was that you decided to ask me this, though?

AG: Not that I dou8t your intentions, of course. Just wondering!

CH: no, vriska, im not planning on blackmailing you!! we talked about this!!!

AG: I swear I wasn't thinking that!

CH: :|

CH: ok so

CH: i barely understood this but i think that the whole thing was that you were seeing this guy john who my friend rose is friends with and he is also friends with roses brother who also supposedly dated someone who rose said was your ex friend?

AG: Geez, I know you're not illiter8. Do you have to write like you are????????

CH: sorryyyyy

CH: if you read it a couple times itll make sense

CH: probs

AG: Alright, I think I get it. 

AG: From my understanding, all of that is true, yes. I sort of d8ed John for a while, and at the time he and his friend would drive up to visit together because his friend was seeing... her.

AG: We had a lot of fun together, the four of us. You wouldn't know it now, though. She won't even talk to me anymore.

CH: oh really??

CH: why didnt you ever talk about this?? it seems important..

AG: I'm not interested in crying over shit that's over and done with, that's why. Those days are long gone and there's no point in reminiscing. 

CH: oh

CH: im sorry you feel that way :(

CH: you shouldnt let some bad blood taint your happy memories

AG: Whatever.

AG: Did all that answer your question?

CH: .... yeah

CH: but um

CH: do you uh

CH: remember anything about roses brother????

CH: im meeting him for the first time in a couple of days and im kind of nervous from everything kanayas been telling me

CH: he always just seemed kind of bizarre back in high school and thats why rose always had me avoid him

CH: but if youre saying you and john had fun hanging out with him and his ex that should mean hes actually not bad right??

AG: What, are you interested in him or something?

CH: what no!!

CH: i just said i dont even know him

AG: It's no 8ig deal if you are. He was pretty attractive from what I remem8er. O8viously not as much as John, 8ut still.

AG: He was cool, I guess.

AG: I talked to him the least out of everyone. We had practically nothing in common, even his music taste was 8ad. Way too much Snoop Dog for me!

CH: its dogg with two g's actually

AG: W8, how do you even know that? I thought you didn't listen to rap?

CH: oh uh

CH: a friend of mine does lol

AG: Hm.

AG: Well, there you have it, that's my opinion on Dave. Although anyone who decides to date her has got to 8e at least a little bit questiona8le to me!

CH: what was terezi really that bad

CH: kanaya said shes fine though

AG: Well Kanaya's an idiot then!!!!!!!!

CH: no she is not.

CH: whatever i dont wanna argue with you

CH: thanks for answering all my questions vris

CH: you want me to bring you up around john and see what he says or something? what if he still likes you?

AG: Forget that idea. He doesn't, and that's fine with me. I've moved on from it! 

AG: Like I always do. 

CH: okay then

CH: thanks again

AG: Of course!

AG: Anything for a friend ::::)

CH: haha

CH: heres a human smile :)

AG: ::::D

AG: Bye!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased being pestered by chumHandle [CH] at 23:21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know yall were expecting the meeting™ .... but not yet!


	13. rap god #4

You stare at your ceiling, your phone sitting face down on your chest, your hands folded over your stomach.

Today is the day.

Today, you will finally witness other parts of Rose's house. And also meet her brother. Her legendary, mysterious brother that you've never spoken a word to.

Whew, buddy. You are a little bit nervous, huh?

Not to mention, you can't stop thinking about what you heard from Vriska the other day. Mostly because you feel kind of bad that things worked out so badly for her with not only her boyfriend, but her best friend, too. Two exes in a similar timeframe has got to hurt.  
But also because something feels weirdly familiar about the way she described Dave Lalonde. The thing is, though, even though some elements seem familiar, you can't really think of anything that is so unique you could place exactly what it reminds you of. 

So you just sit there, staring at the ceiling, trying to clear your mind of all that, and also of all the stupid apartment hunting Rose has put you through this week. This was not the spring break you envisioned!

Your parents already left for work before you even woke up. You guess their kid quota was filled up yesterday when they dragged you around to run errands with them, and then took you out to dinner and called that a fun bonding day. It's not like you don't love them, but there's a reason why you just usually stay in your college town. At least your mom left you some breakfast.

You slug down to the kitchen with your phone, taking out said breakfast to munch on while you try more to avoid thinking too hard. 

_Ding!_

Oh! What if that's rap guy, who you haven't heard from since Monday?

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling chumHandle [CH] at 9:43

CA: hey

God fucking damnit.   
No. You are not dealing with Eridan Ampora right now. You will literally just ignore him until that becomes impossible. 

You flip your phone over onto the counter and continue eating, taking the occasional sip of water, because that's the appropriate morning drink for a normal person.

Oof. Rap guy would hate that you just thought that. Rap guy almost certainly drinks apple juice in the morning, like a crackhead.

_Ding!_

No. No. Fuck this shit. You swear to god, if Eridan tries to talk to you even one more time you're gonna–

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering chumHandle [CH] at 9:46

TG: hey

Oh.   
Hey, you'll take this one! Rap guy, while you only have a suspicion that they are actually a dude, is already twenty times the man Eridan is. In fact, even if rap guy is not even a dude, they are still twenty times the man Eridan is. Because Eridan is a loser who makes out with a kissimee or what the fuck ever and then tries to hook up with you again, presumably twice.

Okay, now is not the time to rant about that. You even told Rose and Kanaya you were over it.

CH: hi!

CH: its been a while 

TG: yeah sorry ive been catching up on some stuff the past couple of days 

TG: but its all taken care of now

TG: and i have some time to check up on the one and only rap god

CH: oh my! what praise, im so flattered~~~

TG: you should be

TG: my opinion is pretty fuckin valuable 

TG: shits on the gold standard

TG: even more stable than the goddamn united states dollar

CH: i guess so lol

CH: as you know im not super into economics

CH: ben shapiro wannabes blah blah blah

TG: haha yeah

Another notification draws you away from your conversation with rap guy.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering chumHandle [CH] at 9:50

TT: Good morning!

TT: I assume you're awake and ready for me to swing by soon as per usual?

CH: what no rose

CH: bro

CH: i woke up like 30 mins ago im eating brekkie rn

TT: Brekkie?

CH: breakfast rose come on keep up

TT: Wow, I can't believe how much you just sounded like my brother there. I was honestly a little shaken.

CH: really??????

CH: strange

CH: anyway yeah dont come!!! hahaha!!!! not joking!

TT: But I already planned to leave in ten minutes.

TT: Are you asking me to rearrange my whole day?

CH: yup

TT: Sigh.

TT: Then what would your preferred plan of action for today be?

CH: i was kinda hoping to just chill a little bit here at my place and then come over later

CH: also roxy said she wanted to hang 

CH: she wanted to say sorry for her bad advice about the eridan situation lmaooooo i guess she was drunk when she gave it to me

TT: Wait.

TT: You're telling me this 'other' friend you mentioned was one of my actual, literal cousins the entire time?

CH: wtf i thought you knew that

TT: How exactly was I supposed to know that if neither of you told me?

TT: I didn't even know you considered her a friend!

CH: ...

CH: sorry? 

CH: yo its not my fault if you dont talk extensively about your amazing and stunningly beautiful and smart friend in front of all your family members so they and you know that they actually know and like me

TT: Sigh, again.

TT: I'll be sure to do more of that.

TT: Well it's fine, I guess. Just hang out with my cousin without me. The tears will stop eventually, I'm sure.

CH: aw rose dont use your serious sounding sarcasm to make me feel bad

CH: ill literally come to your house later like after lunch or something 

CH: ill drive there so dont worry about timing your whole day around my arrival or whatever

TT: Alright, that sounds good to me. 

TT: Enjoy your hangout with Roxy. 

CH: okayyyyyy love u roseeeeee

TT: Love you too. See you.

CH: byeee

tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering chumHandle [CH] at 10:03

You message back Roxy about hanging out, and then promptly turn off your phone so you don't get distracted while getting ready. This will be such a long day, with so many things to attend to and worry about.

You sigh as you bring your dishes over to the sink.

Hmmm.

Why does it feel like you already forgot to do something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha i promise were almost at the encounter guys  
> i literally forgot i wrote this at 3am last night just productivity tingz


	14. rap god #5

"Bye Rox!" you call from your front door as your slightly older, extremely beautiful, and successfully sober friend waves at you from her car. "Stay in touch!"

"Of course!" she answers with a wink and bright grin, and then adjusts herself in the car and pulls away to head home.

You go back inside, slumping down onto the couch in the living room. Your hangout with Roxy had run a little longer than intended- she came over not long after you texted her, and then stuck around long enough to order some lunch for the both of you, and then even a little longer. It's past three now, and you'd be lying if you said you were actually up to going over to Rose's house now. But that'd be such an asshole move to cancel, especially since you have to leave on Sunday, so this is already your second to last day together. 

You groan. You're just so socially exhausted! You can only spend so many hours of a day with your friends. You at least need an alone time break before you go over. But you can't tell Rose that. While she will understand completely, she'll berate you over pesterchum, and that is never fun.

Haha. But you have a trump card now.

chumHandle [CH] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 15:31

CH: hey kanaya

CH: sorry to ask this favor of you but i dont wanna get pester-hated-on by rose

CH: its such a bummer when she does that :(

CH: i was hoping you could tell her for me that im not gonna be over for like at least 2 more hours

CH: roxy stayed over longer than i thought (we had a lot to catch up on) so im kind of tired now and need to recuperate

CH: any chance youll do it? <3

GA: I See That Youve Added A Heart To Appeal To My Motherly Nature, I Must Say That Was An Intelligent Quip

GA: Dont Worry

GA: That Is Of Course An Easy Task To Do In Your Stead, I Dont Mind Relaying The Message At All

GA: Can I Ask What Time You Do Plan On Making Your Way Over, Though

CH: omg thank you so much kanaya youre the bestest

CH: hows six?? you guys wont all be eating dinner then or something right?

GA: We Typically Start Supper At Around Five Thirty And Finish Shortly After Six

GA: Obviously I Dont Take Part In Consuming The Human Food But I Still Participate To Be Polite

GA: If You Are Leisurely With Your Arrival You Will Probably Make It To Roses Hive Just As We Put Away The Eating Apparatus

CH: oh ok good to know

CH: ill be leisurely then

CH: tysm for telling her for me !!!

GA: Its No Problem Really

GA: Ill See You Upon Your Arrival Then

CH: yup!

CH: ttyl

GA: Goodbye For Now

chumHandle [CH] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 15:39

You then scream into a pillow because your nerves are only getting worse, and you don't get why. Why the hell are you so nervous about going to Roses's house tonight? Yes, you are a repeat offender when it comes to procrastination, but this is a whole new level. It's Rose we're talking about here. There should be nothing scary about not getting escorted speedily to her room to avoid her mom and brother and any photos of the family together. So why are you freaking out?

Whatever. Get it together Y/N. You can do this. Keep yourself busy until six. Your parents will be home soon, and they will be so happy if you decide to like, clean up the house or something.

Nah, fuck that, you already clean your own place enough when you're back at school.

Instead, you go up to your room and decide to watch some anime to kill time. If you get really invested in whatever fantasy setting strikes your fancy this time, you will probably forget about how anxious you are. At least, to a degree.

You settle down in your bed and put something on on your laptop, actively focusing really hard on remembering the characters' names and getting the plot straight to keep your mind from drifting.   
Your parents come home after about six episodes, by which you are started to get a little bored of watching the same thing. The show is good, but not really good enough to binge an entire season at once. 

You head downstairs and help your mom make a shitty, fast dinner that consists of leftovers from the restaurant you went to yesterday and wolf it down really fast so you have time to get ready to go over to Rose's.

In the midst of getting ready, you sit in front of the mirror in your room, which unlike the mirror in the hallway, is actually hanging on the wall. You stare at yourself, squinting, one eye sporting mascara, the other looking significantly less framed by long coated black hairs as it is not sporting mascara.   
Weren't you... forgetting something?

You shrug, continuing with applying makeup in your half-ass way. You used to whole-ass makeup, until you went to college and decided waking up early to get ready before class was some bullshit. So now you developed the habit of half-assery, which you also apply to other aspects of your life. 

You check the time on your phone. 5:52. You ought to leave soon if you want to get to Rose's a little after six. You usually take like five to ten minutes chilling in the car setting up music before you actually leave, so you have to add that to the driving time. 

Wait, shit! You remember what you forgot!

You open pesterchum and tap on rap guy's chumhandle.

TG: anyway i was sort of wondering if youd be down to exchange some kind of name

TG: ngl i feel kinda weird referring to you in my head as rap god or CH all the time

TG: its like youre fuckin voldemort or some shit

CH: omg, im so sorry!!

CH: i totally forgot to respond :(

CH: i got caught up with something and havent been on my phone much since this morning

CH: but sure, that sounds good to me!

CH: what should i call you?

There, you answered and now you feel less like an asshole for not replying while you were in the middle of a conversation. 

You finish getting ready and head to the front door with your phone and keys, brushing your hair behind your ear in the big ass mirror on the hallway floor. 

"Are you going to Rose's, Y/N?" your mom calls from the living room.   
"Yeah," you answer. "I'll try not to come back too late."  
"Okay, drive safely!" she answers.

You just shoot her a thumbs up from the one point she can see it from her position on the couch, and then leave through the front, getting into your mom's car and starting up the engine. It's six now, which means you'll probably get to Rose's house at about a quarter past. They should be done with dinner by then, right?

You set up your music, doing it pretty fast for not having driven this car in a while, and then head out.   
Driving through your hometown is always a little nostalgic. It's so weird, seeing the stuff you haven't seen in years. You spent the whole week panicking every time you went in public, praying you wouldn't see anyone you know from high school. Shudder. The memories. Oh, the horror!

It doesn't take too long to get to Rose's, given that she does live a little bit out of the way, down a road in the woods, which leads to her weirdly mansion-like house. You've never really asked how her mom is so rich. Rose doesn't act like a rich kid, so you don't care.

You park in the front part, turning the engine off and unbuckling your seatbelt to chill in the seat for a minute. Whew. Okay, you can do this. You got this, Y/N!

_Ding!_

Oh, maybe rap guy responded? Wow, you'll finally get to call them something else that isn't rap guy!

TG: you can call me strider

Hm. Strider. You've never heard that before. You wonder if that's their first or last name. Well, unfortunately for Strider, you kind of have to finally work up the nerve to go knock, because you've made Rose wait long enough. You'll respond to them later, when you aren't busy. 

You get out of the car and lock it behind you, walking up to the front door. Should you text Rose and just tell her to come get the door for you? No, that would be kind of rude, right? 

You take a deep breath, and knock three times.

It takes a couple seconds, but you eventually hear footsteps from inside the house, and then the giant front door swings open, revealing to you a mildly tall, lanky, blonde haired boy leaning against the doorframe.

"Hey," he says, the slightest smirk lining his lips. "I'm Dave. You're Rose's friend I guess?"

You blink.   
_Oh, shit! He's hot!_

"Yeah," you respond, tucking your hair behind your ear. You glance away, Rose's brother already making you feel nervous. "I'm Y/N."

"Nice to meet you," Dave says, more polite than you would have guessed based on everything you've heard about him. "Wanna come in?" he steps to the side.   
You chuckle. "Yeah, thanks."

Well, shit. This is gonna be a long night, isn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its happening boys. things are happening. you might even say... where making this happen.


	15. rap god #6

The longer you stay over at Rose's house, the more you think you are soon to simply interally combust, setting alight the entire house and all of the people you are currently hanging out with, to which the audience will cheer.

This is because, no matter how comfortable you are with Rose and Kanaya, hanging out with Rose's brother Dave and their mutual friend John is making you feel some weird emotions. Like, some doki doki heart eyes swoon bullshit. 

About Dave, not John, because while John is a handsome and funny guy, he's giving off some little brother vibes.

But anyway, you think you're literally experiencing the whole 'falling for my best friend's brother' trope. Not gonna lie, that's kinda cute of you, but also not cute, because Dave just seems like the kind of guy who casually flirts with everyone. So while your heart is going doki doki, his heart is probably not. 

You've been hanging out with the other four people here in Rose's living room, her Mom off doing Mom stuff somewhere else. It's pretty bizarre, because before tonight you never actually set foot in here. But now you don't really understand why Rose was so cagey about the decor in her house. You think all this wizard stuff is cool, albeit a little bit tacky. But hey, that's what all mansions are like, right?

"You're sure you two don't know each other?" Rose asks, leaning towards you, and then glancing at her brother.

Oh, right. You were getting questioned by the group on how well you and Dave have been getting along. Very fun. Read with sarcasm.

"I told you, Vriska and I met after the whole double date shenanigans, and she never even brought all of that up to me," you roll your eyes, leaning back on your hands. For some reason, you all opted to sit on the floor instead of the various couches and chairs in the room. "So there's no way I've ever talked to Dave before."

"Hm," Rose raises a brow. "I just think it's suspicious."  
"You think everything is suspicious, you have a degree in psychology," Dave counters his sister.  
"That's not what psychology is about, Dave!"

"I think it's suspicious, too," John says, squinting dramatically like he's in some sort of silent film. "We did all come to the conclusion that Dave was acting weird because he has a crush on someone. What if... that someone... is secretly Y/N!"

Rose and Kanaya gasp intensely, metaphorically clutching their pearls to play along. You blink as Dave groans. 

_A... crush on someone?_

"You're all idiots, case closed," Dave says.

"I don't know, Dave, you were hiding your phone from me that one time!" John points out, cackling.   
"That's because you always try to steal it and send some stupid shit to my chums and say it was a 'prank', dude."  
"Whatever."

"Well, Y/N certainly doesn't do anything of that nature," Kanaya says, placing her hand on your shoulder. She offers a kind smile. "She's rather transparent with all of her relationships and who she has spoken with or is avoiding speaking to."  
You quirk a brow. "Uhhh, thanks?"   
Kanaya purses her lips. "I am defending you, you know."  
You just smile awkwardly and nod.

The conversation goes on without you, as you sit in silence, thinking about what was just brought up. Dave has a secret crush? Even if he denied it, it seems like his best friend is pretty convinced, and best friends always know the truth about that shit. Sighhhhhh. You should have preemptively given up as soon as you saw him. Obviously someone with vibes and looks that good would already have some kind of thing going on. 

You check your phone, and see a few notifications, and the time. Which, is actually kind of surprising, because it turns out you've been here for a few hours already and it's almost ten pm. Not that ten pm is actually late, because, well, you're not eleven and you're also not thirty, so. But still.

You open pesterchum halfheartedly, tapping on the first notification.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling chumHandle [CH] at 21:38

AG: Heyyyyyyyy.

AG: When did you say you were coming 8ack?

AG: I'm kind of curious a8out how your meeting with one of my old acquaintances went. 

AG: Aaaaaaaand...

AG: I guess I just kind of want to hang out with someone.

AG: I know we haven't always 8een super close, but you messaging me the other day and getting me to spill on some of the stuff I kept from you made me realize that I actually like you. 

AG: And yes, I have 8een keeping up with that stupid therapist shit you told me to go to. 

AG: Anyway, it's kind of awkward for me to even 8ring this up, so please just say yes. 

CH: awww vriska that felt sincere thanks

CH: im coming back on sunday, we can hang next week?

CH: unfortunately i dont think ill have much to report on this whole meeting dave thing...

"Who ya texting, Y/N?" John curiously leans over Rose, who is sitting on your left, to peek at your phone.  
"See, you always do that shit, Egbert," Dave groans.  
"Oh," you try not to show too much of the conversation, but flash him the screen. "Vriska."

John sits back, looking surprised. "Oh," he rubs the back of his neck. "Vriska, huh? What are you talking about?"  
"What's up with that sudden interest in Y/N's spider-troll friend?" Rose asks, sounding humored. "We have talked about her before, you know."  
John cringes. "Yeah, I know, just that like, nobody like... y'know, actually talks to her, so uh... I guess I'm just curious."

You chuckle. He's so endearing. Your new lil bro. "She was just asking when I could hang out next. Why, you wanna talk to her?"  
"Huh?!" John flushes. "No, no. I'm good."  
"Ooookay," you shrug. "Her trollian handle thing is the same, as far as I know. In case you change your mind."  
"It's just called a chat handle," Kanaya interjects, but you go back to looking at your phone.

Oh, your mom texted you asking to come home. She left some document for work in her car and needs it asap. Dammit. Wasn't Dave going to leave tomorrow morning? If you leave now, you haven't even really had a chance to have one on one time with him.   
Not that it apparently matters, because he has a crush on someone already, but still. A crush ain't nothin'. Especially if, as the saying goes, engaged ain't married. If we go by that, then a crush is like, level 0, and you should be able to surpass whoever this other person is, right?

Pff. Enough romance logistic bullshit. You gotta go, no need to piss off your mother when you've only been here for a week and you rarely see her. 

"Hey guys," you speak up when you hear a slight lull in the conversation. You give a sorry smile. "Looks like I gotta go. My mom needs some stuff in her car and I drove it here."  
"Awww, already?" John tilts his head. "But Dave and I were just starting to get to know you!"  
You chuckle, brushing your hair behind your ear. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I wish we could have hung out more."  
"No worries," Dave gives a subtle smile, just the corner of his lip lifting up. "I'll get your info from Rose or something when I get back to school."

You try really hard not to let that cause a reaction on your face, and just nod. "Sure."

"Well, we'll probably see you tomorrow," Rose says, patting your thigh. "Unless you're tired of hanging out with your best friend and want to hang out with her cousin again instead."  
You groan, throwing your head back. "I know I'm super cool and all, Rose, but you can't have a monopoly on my friendship!"  
She laughs. "Yeah, yeah. I'll message you in the morning. Or maybe Kanaya can, since I apparently pester-hate-on you."

You turn to Kanaya with an appalled look as John and Dave snicker in the background. "You snitched on me?"  
Kanaya blushes jade green. "Look, she asked and I answered."

"Anyway, I don't want to get up, so Dave, can you walk Y/N to the door? She doesn't know her way around the place. It's her first time actually going through the whole house." Rose asks her brother.

Hell yeah, score for wingwoman Rose! You don't know if she was intentionally wingwomaning, but you'll have to thank her for that one later. Good wingwoman, best friend.

"Sure," Dave says, clambering to his feet. He looks to you. "You ready?"  
You stand up too, tucking your phone into your back pocket and grabbing the car keys off the floor. "Yup!" you turn to the other three members of the group. "Bye everyone! Bye John, it was so nice meeting you."  
He gives you a cheeky grin. "You too, Y/N!"  
You shoot him finger guns, then follow Dave down a hallway as your other friends chorus a bye back to you.

"Can't believe Rose never let you see the rest of the house before," Dave says as the two of you walk through. It's a big place, takes a while to get from one side to the other. "You've been friends since we were all kids, right?"  
"Since we were like thirteen, yeah," you nod, reminiscing as you see an old photo of Rose hanging on the wall. "But I didn't care. She thought your guys' Mom was out to get her back then, and I just went along with it."  
Dave chuckles. "Yeah, she totally did." 

The two of you turn a corner.

"So, are you driving back to your university tomorrow?" you ask, feeling slightly awkward in the silence.   
Dave nods, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, me and John have a pretty long trip ahead of us. I like driving, though. Don't mind the hours on the road too much."

 _He probably looks so hot while driving..._ you think to yourself, and then snap out of it to respond.

"Could not be me, I avoid driving as much as possible. I even take the bus to and from campus when I have my own personal car."   
Dave quirks a brow. "Seriously? You gonna be okay to drive home in the dark, then?"  
You tilt your head playfully. "Why? Are you offering to be my chauffeur for the night?"  
Dave cracks a smile at you. "Wasn't exactly my intention, but I wouldn't say no, if that's what you want."

Whew. Oh buddy, oh boy. He did not just say something dreamy as hell like that. Now what the fuck is going on here? Did Dave just flirt with you?

You push back your hair again. "Haha, thanks. You already have way too much driving to do tomorrow, though."  
"You're not wrong about that," Dave nods. 

You make it to the front door, large and imposing as it is. 

"Well," Dave stops in front of it, brushing a hand through his hair. "It was nice to finally meet my sister's best friend, after all these years."  
You turn to face him, smiling. "Likewise. I've heard so much about the infamous Dave Lalonde."

Dave tilts his head in question as he goes to unlock and open the door. "Lalonde? Is Rose still saying that shit?"  
"Huh?" you ask, stepping outside. Dave stands on the inside of the house, holding the door open so that you're still facing each other. "What do you mean by that?"  
"She never mentioned it?" Dave raises his brows. "I haven't really gone by that in years."  
"Oh?" you frown in confusion. "No. What do you go by, then?"  
Dave leans forward, a smirk lining his lips. "Dave Strider."

...

You blink.

What.  
Did.  
He.   
Just.  
Say?

"...Huh?" your voice comes out weak and shaky, and you know you must look like a deer in headlights.

"You okay?" Dave squints, his smirk turning into a frown. "You don't look so good all of a sudden."

You just blink at him, the words taking a moment to process in your head. Dave Strider. Dave Strider. Strider. Strider. _Strider._

"Y/N?" Dave asks, and you shake your head.  
"Yup, I'm fine!" you exclaim with what you're hoping is a bright smile, but by his reaction, was probably not. "I really ought to get going, though. It was nice meeting you, Dave!"  
"In such a rush?" he questions, stepping outside to meet you. You step backwards, letting out a sharp laugh.  
"Yeah, sorry, you know how moms are, really got to get home!" you rub your arm and back away. "Tell Rose and Kanaya and John I said goodnight! Oh, and your mom, too!"

You trip over a rock and nearly slip, managing to catch yourself on one handbefore you totally fall onto the ground.

"Shit, are you sure you're good?" Dave calls as you scramble to your feet and continue walking backwards to your car. "I can drive you, like I said. It's really not a huge deal."  
"No, no!" you call back, waving. "I'm great! Goodnight, Dave!"

You fumble with unlocking your mom's car, but manage to, getting in and slamming the door shut.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.

You don't even set up your music. You turn the car on and leave as fast as you can, driving through the night with the sickest feeling turning your stomach over and over. 

Dave Strider.

It all makes too much sense.  
Shit.  
God.

Strider.

You glance at your phone, imagining that handle that's become so familiar to you. The shade of red, turntechGodhead, the nonchalant attitude, the cool kid vibe, his friend John, music production major... shit.

Shit.

What are you going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this update took so long guysㅠㅠi started school again and zoom university is kicking my ass  
> anywayyyssss hope yall enjoy the fabled meeting™ !!! hehehe


	16. log #???

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering chumHandle [CH] at 11:13

TT: Why is it that you aren't coming out of your house?

TT: I feel like soon enough, your parents will come out here to yell at me for honking repeatedly. 

TT: Or some other pissed off neighbors.

TT: ...Hello?

TT: Y/N?

TT: Kanaya and I are here to pick you up. Like we agreed.

TT: You're leaving tomorrow, remember? I thought you wanted to hang out one last time today?

TT: Hellooooooooooooooooooooo?

CH: oh hey rose sorry

CH: i wasnt really looking at my phone

CH: or other technology

CH: im sorry

CH: im not feeling so hot today

CH: maybe you and kanaya should just hang out without me

CH: you guys can makeout and stuff and not have a third wheel being awkward there with you

TT: You're feeling sick?

TT: What happened? You didn't eat dinner with us, so I know it wasn't my questionable cooking.

CH: ohhhhhh just not feeling the best lol idk but mom is makin me stay home

CH: im sorry rose its not that i dont want to hang with you

CH: i do

CH: but maybe its good to have a special girlfriends only day

TT: Well, I guess that's true. Even if we already had one on Thursday. 

TT: I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Hopefully you're recovered by Monday. 

CH: yeah im sure i will be, im just not up to anything today

TT: Okay, I wouldn't want you to suffer just to hang out with me, haha.

TT: Let me know how you're feeling throughout the day.

CH: ofc i will!!

CH: btw rose

CH: did uh

CH: did dave possibly ask you for my chumhandle or anything like that

CH: he kinda implied that he would?

TT: Oh!

TT: Yes, he did before he left, but I'd totally forgotten until now.

TT: Should I send it to him now?

CH: NO

CH: omg

CH: please dont

CH: no no no no no no no

TT: Whoa.

TT: Did my brother give a terrible impression when the two of you were alone or something?

CH: ummm no

CH: there was nothing wrong with dave...

CH: just please dont send him my chumhandle!!

TT: This sounds extremely suspicious, you know.

TT: Actually, I'm sure you know that, and there's something you're not telling me.

TT: But I guess I'll have to respect that.

TT: I won't send him your info if you don't want me to.

CH: thank you so much rose seriously i appreciate it

CH: i promise ill explain at some point

CH: i just gotta figure things out first

TT: Pardon my asking, but this doesn't have to do with Eridan, does it?

TT: Kanaya is also wondering.

CH: woah no!!

CH: i told you rose i am totally done with that loser >:(

CH: this is purely me

CH: being cringe and stupid

CH: as per usual

TT: I think those qualities are endearing, although I wouldn't call you stupid by any means. 

TT: You're very smart and pretty and you are right, Eridan was totally a loser. Not good enough for you.

TT: Sorry for asking.

CH: aw no need to apologize

CH: just the usual self deprecation on my part gotta fill my daily quota

CH: anyway im gonna go shove my face into a pillow and scream now

CH: maybe it will help me feel better

TT: ...

TT: I'm not sure how well that could possibly work, but sure.

TT: If you think it'll help, why not?

TT: I'll see you tomorrow morning, then.

TT: Bright and early!

CH: yeah

CH: ill see you then rose

CH: bye bye <3

TT: Bye!

TT: Feel better <3

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering chumHandle [CH] at 11:24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath...


	17. rap guy #3

"Will you quit sighing, you nookwhiffing dunderfuck?"

Dave glances at Karkat, who is shooting him an irritated glare from his seat on the couch across the room. The troll squints, and then points aggressively.

"You know you've been doing it. Quit it. Or at least tell us the reason."

John laughs, sitting next to Dave at the breakfast bar. "Yeah, Dave. You have been doing a whole lot of dramatic sighing today. It's like you're the hero in a shitty action movie, and you're trying to figure out the best way to solve the overarching issue of the plot, like how to take down the enemy helicopter raining down bullets on your good guy headquarters, while your wife and children listen on the phone."

Dave just blinks. "What the fuck did you even just say?"

"Egbert, shut your food receptacle and let the adults talk," Karkat directs at John. He turns back to Dave, and puts his hand out. "Give me your phone."  
Dave gives him a quizzical look. "What? No, dude. I'm not giving you my phone."

Karkat stands up and walks over. "Give me your phone, Dave."  
Dave shoves his phone down his pants. "Not gonna happen, man."  
"Dave," Karkat says. "If you think I won't stick my hand down your pants to obtain your phone, you are severely fucking mistaken."  
"Dude," Dave stands and backs away. "No."

"Dave, just hand it over, you know he'll actually do it," John advises.

"I'm not giving you my phone and I'm not letting you stick your hand down my pants, Karkat," Dave tells the troll.  
Karkat advances, his gaze darkening. "Give me the phone, Dave."

John watches with amusement as the two others circle each other in some sort of weird hands-pants Mexican standoff.

"My friends are so weird," he says to himself.

Suddenly, Karkat charges, tackling Dave to the floor and attempting to shove his hand down the front of Dave's pants. Dave screams shrilly. You might even say he "screams like a girl". At least, that is exactly what John says through his erupting laughter as he doubles over.

"Get the hell out of my pants!" Dave shouts, trying to push Karkat off with his feet, while his hands try to wrestle Karkat's away from the phone.   
"This wouldn't need to happen if you would comply with my orders!"  
"Since when do I take orders from a short ass motherfucker who smells bad?"  
"You listen to Jade when she comes to visit!"  
"That's because she actually makes sensible plans and doesn't try to-" Dave grunts as he delivers an especially hard kick to Karkat's shin. "Put her hands in my pants!"

"Ow, _fuck!_ Strider, that fucking hurt!" Karkat rolls off, removing his hand from Dave's pants, and the blond smirks triumphantly. Sure, maybe he got groped, but at least he injured his pal in return.

And then his phone slides out of his pant leg, and onto the floor right in front of Karkat. 

Almost like it happens in slow motion, Dave says no under his breath, reaches for the phone- at the same time, Karkat's face lights up with a grin, and he reaches for the phone.

"Fuck!" Dave exclaims as Karkat snatches it and promptly shoots up to his feet, running to the other side of the apartment. 

"Does he even know your password, Dave?" John asks as Dave gives up and goes back to the breakfast bar with his head hanging. What a goddamn loser. Gets groped, and Karkat gets the phone anyway. He's been on a shitty luck streak.

"Of course I know his password, John," Karkat says menacingly as he sends them that enthusiastic grin. He presses his thumbs against the screen. "What kind of friend doesn't know their friends' passwords?"

John and Dave just look at each other, and then sigh.

"Hmmm, what could it be?" Karkat says, tapping away at Dave's phone. "Maybe your most recent tweet did poorly? Or did you get ratio'd? Or... accidentally posted an embarrassing instagram story and everyone saw it?"

"Wouldn't that mean you'd have seen it too?" John asks, quirking a brow.

"Nice deduction, Egbert," Karkat continues. "I think the most likely cause of this mopey bullshit is a contact of some kind. Probably over pesterchum, which by the way, is still inferior as fuck to the much better interface and usability of trollian."

"Whatever dude, nobody cares about your weird troll apps," Dave sighs, wiping a hand over his face. He just wants to get this over with. His friends will dig up his problems and make him have one of those weird feels parties about them.

"Hmmmmmmm," Karkat hums dramatically again, and taps once more. He then squints deeply at the phone screen. "Your most recent message is from an unfamiliar chumhandle. From, waywardVagabond. 'Hey Dave, would you like to meet up to work on the project at'- what the fuck! This is just a school thing!"

John laughs.  
"I don't know what you were expecting," Dave says plainly. 

"I'm sure there's something here," Karkat sits on the couch again. "It seems you last texted Rose yesterday night, and she hasn't answered yet. 'Hey Rose, are you ever gonna send me your friend's info or anything.'" Karkat looks up slowly, tilting his head. "Now... who is this friend?"

"Oh, it's the one that was at Rose's house with us on Friday," John supplements. "It seemed like Dave was interested and the feelings were mutual, at least to me. She even looked kinda peeved when I said Dave had a secret crush."

"Interesting," Karkat nods. "And you haven't heard back from Rose. Meaning either she forgot to respond, or her friend did not want her to send you their chumhandle."

Dave squints. "Why exactly did you decide there had to be only two explanations for that?"  
"Because, Dave," Karkat says, his voice dripping in i-can't-believe-you-don't-get-this juice. "It's obvious."  
"Okay, but like, you didn't explain why-"

"I think there's more to this equation," Karkat declares, walking in thoughtful circles around the living room. He turns to John and Dave. "What do you think, Egbert?"

Dave looks over at John. The boy hums, rubbing his thumb against his chin. "I think you may be right, Detective Vantas. I still haven't forgotten Dave's suspicious secret texting."

"Suspicious what?!" Karkat breaks character for a moment, eyes bulging out. "Why didn't you mention this earlier, John?"  
John throws up his hands. "Sorry! I kinda forgot until now."  
Karkat waves his hand. "Whatever. Back to the point. I will now find the source of this secret texting."

"Not gonna happen," Dave says, practically leaping off his chair at the breakfast bar and tackling Karkat to the ground with far more grace than Karkat tackled him. 

See, Karkat didn't account for something, when he started this phone-theft-battle. Dave, after moving in with his cousin when he was fourteen, was trained in the art of stealth and hand to hand combat. He can perform an exquisite youth roll onto and off of somebody while obtaining an object from them before the other person even has time to react. Unless that person was Bro, which Karkat isn't.

"What the fuck, Dave?" Karkat asks in astonishment as Dave brushes himself off on the other side of the living room, holding his phone tightly in his hand.

Dave shrugs. "I told you man. I warned you."

"You know what? I give up." Karkat sighs roughly. "Clearly, even though something is bothering you, you don't want anyone's help in fixing it."  
"You do the exact same thing, dude."  
"That's not important right now!"

"Dave, why don't you just tell us the problem?" John cuts in. "Maybe if you explain it you'll feel better, and Karkat and I can help you figure out a solution."

Dave sighs, wiping a hand over his face. Of course John sees things in such a cut and dry way. But how the hell is Dave supposed to explain that over a month ago, he accidentally messaged someone on pesterchum and they sort of developed a weird friendship but as soon as he brought up exchanging names and sent his they stopped responding?

Shit.  
Well, whatever. Here goes nothing. 

"Alright, fine," Dave sits down on the couch. "Basically, over a month ago, I accidentally messaged someone on pesterchum and we sort of developed a weird friendship but as soon as I brought up exchanging names and sent mine, they stopped responding. And for some reason it's giving me a super weird vibe that I don't get."

Karkat and John both stare at him, blinking slowly.

"For real?" John finally asks, eyes wide.   
Dave nods. "One hundred percent."

"Do you... know anything about this person? The accidentally messaged person?" Karkat questions, his brows furrowing.  
"Yeah, I mean. We talked about school, and had this long ass conversation trying to prove neither of us were thirteen," Dave smirks at the memory. It was pretty funny.   
Karkat squints. "No other details?"   
"Look man," Dave says with exasperation. "Can you really blame them for keeping real life details on the DL while talking to a total stranger over the internet?"  
Karkat puts his hands up. "I'm not judging, okay? I'm just trying to see if there's anything you missed that might give us a clue as to why they haven't responded after you said your name."

Dave sighs. "Alright, well, first of all, I said my name was Strider, not Dave. Thought it was a little more subtle using my last name."  
"That's so stupid, Dave, there's a like a million Daves but there's no way there's a million Striders!" John exclaims.

Dave pauses. "Shit. You're right."

"Whatever, unimportant," Karkat waves that off. "Anything else?"  
Dave shifts awkwardly. "I mean, the third time we talked they accidentally messaged me complaining about some relationship issues. Seemed like there were two trolls involved and some of that quadrant shit you always rant about."  
"Quadrants and troll romance is extremely complex and foolish humans like you never seem to get it, not my problem if you think my educated discourse is just 'ranting'," Karkat snaps. "Anyway, seems like they're also human."  
"Yeah, definitely," Dave says, nodding to himself. 

"There's nothing else, Dave?" John asks.  
Dave sighs. "Shit man, I don't know," he glances down at his phone. Guess it doesn't hurt to read over their past logs. "Let me see."

He opens the chatlogs with rap god's chumhandle, and scrolls through to the top, then starts scrolling down from there.

"Oh, uh," Dave pauses. "They've mentioned a few friends. One, basically a therapist. One, chumhandle TG like mine."  
"Shit, those are way too unspecific," Karkat shakes his head with a sharp exhalation.   
"There might've been more, can't really remember," Dave continues scrolling, his friends beginning to crowd around him and watching his phone screen. He almost zones out, scrolling past all the text. There have been a decent amount of conversations, now that he thinks about it. Probably why he started to consider this person a friend, despite not knowing much about them, as he's discovered now.

Wait.

Dave stops abruptly.

CH: oh rap guy, i will take all your taxes

CH: all of them

"Woah," John squints, leaning close over Dave's shoulder to read the messages. "That kinda sounds like-"  
"Vriska," Dave cuts in, his voice quiet.   
"The spiderbitch?" Karkat asks, frowning. "The troll that Terezi unfriended?"   
"Does everybody always have to call her a bitch? Seriously, she wasn't that bad!" John exclaims, throwing his hands up.

"Egbert, now is not the time for a rush of blood to your bloodpumper, or better yet, your disturbing human nook anatomy," Karkat directs to John. "What we need to deduct is what this means."  
"I mean, it caught me off guard when they sent it in the first place," Dave mutters, brushing his fingers through his hair. "And then they even mentioned a girl they know says it a lot and that she's kind of a bitch. It sounded like Vriska but I hadn't seen her in ages and wasn't sure if I was just misremembering or something."

"I mean, we don't _know_ that it's Vriska, though," John reasons.   
Dave shakes his head. "I mean, yeah. It's just. I don't know, it's weird, right?"  
"Yes," Karkat nods. "Is there anyone with a connection to Vriska who is 'basically a therapist'?"

"Rose comes to mind," John says with a shrug. "I know Rose and Vriska."  
"But does anyone else know both Rose and Vriska?" Karkat pushes on.

Dave blinks.  
He looks at John.  
John looks at him. 

"Y/N?" asks John.

Dave lets out a sharp breath.   
There's no way. There's no fuckin' way. Wouldn't he have connected the dots earlier than this if that were the case?

Then again, he had never met her before a few days ago. Heard about her from Rose, sure. But meeting is something totally different. 

"The one you said is Rose's friend?" Karkat asks, seeming less fazed than Dave and John. "Doesn't make sense. Surely she already knew your name."

Fuck. Dave shakes his head again, sinking deeper into a pit of disbelief. "No, actually. She knew my name was Dave, but she called me Dave Lalonde right before I told her it was Strider. Then she... froze up and then tripped over herself sprinting to her car."

John claps his hands and points. "That's it, then! Rose never told Y/N you go by Strider, so she always assumed you were Dave Lalonde. She probably saw some similarities between you and the guy she was talking to, but figured she knew your name and it wouldn't match up. When you messaged that your name was Strider, she-"  
Karkat plants his palm against John's face. "Let me have the fucking climax of the story, John! Only one of us is a connoisseur of cliche romance stories." he takes a deep breath. "When you first said your name was Strider, she felt confident it wasn't the same guy, and wasn't worried about discussing Vriska, and as John mentioned offhandedly earlier, was annoyed by Dave's supposed secret crush. Then, when you told her in person that your name is Dave Strider, she was hit with the realization that you are the exact same person she's been talking to over pesterchum for a month, and quickly absconded from the scene." 

Dave sits in silence. He stares at his phone, at the chumhandle he's become so familiar with. It all makes way too much sense. He hasn't had this weird, unsettled, confused feeling sitting in the pit of his stomach in forever. 

"And as a result of her sudden grasp on the situation, she asked her dear friend Rose not to send her brother Dave Strider any of her contact information," Karkat finishes with a flair of his hand. "And that brings us to the now."

"Damn," John says. "This is crazy."

Dave squeezes his eyes shut and then opens them. This would be a great moment to have time travel powers. He'd go back and tell his dumbass self not to reveal his name quite yet. Or maybe, tell his past self to drop more hints that would prove turntechGodhead was him and let the ball go to Y/N's court.  
Shit. It's like he's already accepted it's gotta be her.

"You okay, Dave?" John asks, patting his shoulder. Dave looks up and his friend seems concerned.  
"Yeah, I mean," Dave sighs again. "Just. Just uh, kinda weird."

"What an understatement," Karkat says. "You could write a book about this shit. In fact, I'm claiming the rights immediately. Neither of you have clearance to write this book."

_Ding!_

Dave looks down at his phone, hoping for a moment it might be her.

But it's just Rose.

TT: Sorry, Dave. 

TT: I won't be able to tell you as per her request, that I can't explain as it wasn't explained to me.

TT: But she did make sure to tell me that there was nothing wrong with you, and that she just has to "figure things out".

TT: I don't exactly know what that's referring to, but there you go.

Dave sighs again.

What the hell is he going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woahh sorry for the long wait lads! somehow, it always seems like i have both a lot of shit to do and yet also nothing. and then i forget to write my fics lmao


	18. rap god #7

"You can't be serious,"

You look at your troll friend, her jade green lips pursing, eyes squinting. 

"Kanaya," you say, staring directly at her. "I am being quite literally, one hundred fucking percent serious right now."

She sighs, wiping a delicately manicured hand over her face. "I truly don't understand the situation. If what you're saying about Rose's brother is true, then how did you never realize that they were both the same person?"

"Because not enough clues matched up for me to even consider it a possibility!" you exclaim, throwing your hands up.   
Kanaya gives you an unimpressed look. "Somehow, I doubt that. I think you may have realized sooner if you bothered to remember any of the things Rose has mentioned about her brother. From what she's told me, it seems that you must have always zoned out when he became the topic of conversation."

"Okay, in my defense, that was because most of the time whenever she brought him up, it was to complain about him in some way! And then when he moved out, they didn't live together or go to school together so he was basically never a topic of conversation. I really didn't know that much about the guy," you pause, and then groan. "At least, I thought I didn't."

Kanaya is quiet for a moment, her fingers tapping on her cheek. Then she huffs out a breath. "Well, I think you've created a complex situation for yourself, here."  
"Thanks Kanaya, I had no idea," you deadpan.  
She shoots you a look. "I can try to help you, but to me it appears that the fact of the matter is that you have brought this awkward setting upon yourself by not explaining to Dave quickly what the truth was. I am of the belief that he would have been similarly blindsided by this realization, and it could have even become a funny moment between the two of you."

You groan again, pushing your fingers through your hair. "I know, I thought about that! I even imagined the scenario in my head like a fucking tv scene. But that ship has definitely set sail and now I don't know what to do," you give her your best puppy dog eyes. "You gotta help me Kanaya, you're my only hope."

She tilts her head. "Is that some sort of obscure reference to human media?"  
"Star Wars is not obscure," you grumble, then straighten. "I need your help because you're like, the only one who knows Dave."  
"No," Kanaya says. "Rose knows him too. In fact, I don't really understand why you haven't just explained this situation to her instead of me. Or why you specifically want me to keep it a secret from her."  
"Because, dude," you plead with her. "You're supposed to be a fixer, aren't you? An austripices? Autipices? Austipcips?"

Australopithecus?   
No, that's an ancient human.

"Auspistice," she corrects smoothly. "And yes, I guess I am known for filling the third spot in an ashen quadrant. But I don't feel that this warrants that kind of interference at all. In fact, I think Rose's therapeutic nature would fare better here."  
"But I can't tell Rose because she could let it slip around Dave!" you exclaim.  
"I don't see how that would happen considering they live quite far apart."  
"It could happen, Kanaya. Siblings just be like that."  
She sighs. "I will defer to your judgement on that matter due to the fact that trolls cannot have siblings."

"Anyway, see what I mean? Please just give me some austipice advice!" you clasp your hands together.  
"Auspistice," Kanaya repeats darkly. "But fine. My advice is simply to message him first and explain your side of things. Then he will have to explain his. And then everything will be resolved. The end."  
"You're making it sound way easier than doing that would actually be," you whine, slumping over onto the table. "I can't do that."  
"Fine then. Enjoy your suffering alone." she stands dramatically.

"Nooooooooooo, Kanayaaaaaaaaaaa," you wail. "If you can't help me with that, will you at least watch Say Yes to the Dress with me?"

She stops, looks over her shoulder, and nods shortly. 

Yes! You knew it. Kanaya never turns down fashion related television, especially when it's a show that gives her optimal chances for roasting the shit out of people's choices.

The two of you settle down onto the couch a few minutes later, and you check your phone while commercials are playing. Nobody has messaged you, just a few twitter notifications, but as you've been doing for the past week since you got back home, you open your pesterlogs with rap guy- rather, Dave.

You wonder if he's figured it out yet. You think he seemed like a pretty smart guy, so you feel like he must have. John probably helped crack the case, too. He was smarter than the vibe he gave off. 

If he has, you wonder what exactly it was that gave it away. You haven't really mentioned anything super specific to you, other than your romantic issues with Eridan like a month and a half ago. But Dave doesn't even know Eridan-

You freeze.

CH: oh rap guy, i will take all your taxes

CH: all of them

He does, however, know Vriska.

Shit.   
Yeah.  
He definitely knows.

You sigh again, and Kanaya gives you a questioning look.

"Are you alright?" she asks. "Should I turn it off?"  
Oh, the episode started. "No," you shake your head. "Just thinkin'."  
She nods, and goes back to watching.

The thing is, though, if Dave knows Vriska, Vriska knows Dave. Which, you know, you already knew, but. It means that your earlier point about Kanaya (and Rose) being the only ones to actually know Dave is moot. Which would then mean that technically, you could ask Vriska for help too...

No. Bad idea. Terrible, terrible idea. Who the fuck would even do that? 

You turn your phone off and put it in your lap, trying to focus on the bride that is currently trying on one of those ugly ass mermaid style dresses that look like they came straight out of 2009. 

Your eyes drift to your phone again.

Oh, fuck it.

chumhandle [CH] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] at 14:34

CH: hey vriska

CH: you free to hang soon?

CH: i gotta ask u something

Sigh.  
You're going to regret this, aren't you?

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!

AG: Of course, especially for something that sounds this intriguing!

AG: Let me know what time works for you.

AG: I'll 8e there.

AG: ::::)

Yeah, you definitely will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg, sorry for the wait. once again school is a bitch


	19. log #7 + #???

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering chumHandle [CH] at 19:08

TG: hey uh

TG: you there

TG: been a while

TG: let me know 

TG: uh

TG: about talking again

TG: or something

TG: goddammit nvm

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering chumHandle [CH] at 19:09

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 19:10

TG: you ever gonna give me an update on y/n

TG: like what shes up to or whatever

TG: maybe why she wont let you give me her digits

TG: her pesterchum digits

TG: chumhandle

TG: you fuckin know what im getting at here

TT: She hasn't talked about you at all since the conversation we had when she asked me not to give you her information.

TT: When I took her and Kanaya to the airport, she looked a little dazed and ill. 

TT: Which makes sense with what she told me in the same conversation as earlier noted, which was that she wasn't feeling well all of a sudden.

TT: All I've heard from her is that she started feeling better about a week ago, last Tuesday. 

TG: right

TG: so you guys didnt talk about me at all

TG: no girl gossip shit

TG: aint that what girls talk about

TG: boys

TT: Personally, I have never been involved in those sort of conversations.

TT: For obvious reasons.

TG: shit forgot youre gay

TG: but like what about her

TT: Well, she has of course told me about her various romantic interests over the years.

TT: Most recently was a troll in her circle at school, who she got frustrated with and gave up on for making out with their mutual friend.

TT: Although, from what I understand, it was a black solicitation. 

TT: Anyway, I probably shouldn't spill anymore of my friend's business to you, regardless of your personal interest in our "conversations about boys".

TG: i get it

TG: guess im just wondering

TT: About?

TG: idk

TG: like what she thinks of me

TG: think i might have made a weird impression

TG: feelin like things are kind of weird between us now

TG: like maybe she knows more about me than i thought she did

TG: and vice versa

TG: its like catfish with nev and kamie but both fuckin ways and by accident

TT: ...

TT: What exactly are you implying here?

TT: If I'm understanding this correctly, you're saying that you already knew Y/N before you met her in person?

TT: Potentially through some accidental online contact?

TG: that may or may not be totally what im saying rose

TT: So...

TT: You've been communicating with my best friend over the internet without knowing it was her, and now you know it is her, and now you're concerned over her not wanting to talk to you anymore?

TG: basically

TG: yeah

TT: Have you tried contacting her? Through whatever messaging system you were using before.

TG: are you not freaked the fuck out by this

TG: i mean

TG: its a pretty goddamn bizarre situation

TT: I am actually quite stunned, believe it or not. 

TT: I did not see this coming at all.

TT: But I felt the proverbial sparks flying between you when we were sitting on the floor of my living room while you ate cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks and she stared off into the abyss. 

TT: So I'm trying to help you out here. 

TG: well thanks

TG: im kinda floundering here

TG: feelin like a grizzly bear is about to snatch me out of the fucking river and rip my fish flesh apart with its bare bear hands

TG: paws

TG: whatever the hell bears have

TT: Um, okay.

TT: Answer my earlier question please?

TG: oh right

TG: yeah i tried

TG: she didnt answer and i got a little nervous i guess

TG: just dipped before too long went by

TT: Alright.

TT: Why don't you just try saying you know who she is?

TG: well because

TG: i think she actually realized it first

TG: when i was walking her out she said something about "dave lalonde" and i corrected her

TG: turns out i had also messaged the mysterious person i was talking to for a month over pesterchum my name which i said was strider

TG: she kinda just blinked at me and then ran away like i was about to kill her

TG: i guess she felt weird after that and told you not to tell me her chumhandle or anything

TT: Well.

TT: That is certainly complex.

TT: I guess you're kind of fucked, Dave.

TG: what the fuck rose

TG: not helpful i already knew that

TG: cant you message her for me or something just like say anything i dont even care

TT: No, you're a big boy who can figure this out on his own.

TT: I am confident in your abilities.

TT: In fact, don't you always brag about how smooth you are with the ladies?

TT: Now is the time to provide some evidence.

TG: god fucking dammit rose

TT: :)

TG: not the smiley you never use the smiley

TG: i wont forget this betrayal

TT: Relax.

TT: You'll figure it out, Dave. 

TT: Y/N liked you too, from what I could tell. She's just anxious all the time, which is probably why she wanted to avoid all further confrontation. 

TT: Once the two of you talk it over, things will be perfectly fine and dandy.

TG: whatever you say i guess

TG: karkat and john are on the case too unfortunately

TG: johns been building up the nerve to pester vriska and ask about y/n for like four fucking days now 

TG: kid looks like he's about to shit himself whenever i see him

TT: Hahahahaha!

TT: Like I said, don't stress. 

TT: In fact, this is all actually pretty funny. It would make a good book. Cliche, of course, but probably worth reading.

TT: Maybe that'll be my next project.

TG: sorry karkat already called that

TG: said he wants the rights

TT: Well, shit.

TT: Gotta hand it to him, he was prepared for a business venture.

TT: Are you feeling better now?

TG: yeah i guess

TG: i had to get it off my chest

TG: also felt like you should know

TG: im surprised she didnt tell you first

TT: I'm not.

TT: She likely would have thought I might tell you right away.

TT: Which I can't promise I wouldn't have done, but I won't interfere now. 

TT: You can handle it.

TG: alright

TG: talk to you later rose

TT: Goodbye, Dave.

TT: Good luck!

TG: thanks

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 19:28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bruh. i ate fast food earlier. now my stomach be like gurgle gurgle mf no sleep for you. sad hours open. anyway here ya go an update fresh out the oven at 2am!


End file.
